GRAYSON BEACH
A silky breeze carries the evening
into the night all through King's Bay, but here along the waterfront the
whips of wind are a little sharper and the evening chill a little more
biting. Despite having Jason's
jacket draped over her shoulders, Courtney
cannot suppress a tiny shiver as they stroll along the sandy edge of the
town.
The beach is small, tucked away from
the piers that fire the waterfront bustle. Rock walls hide the beach and
it is only accessible thanks to a set of stairs inserted into one of the
walls. Now, with the dark of night hanging overhead, the beach feels even
more secluded.
Courtney grasps Jason's hand a little
tighter as they come to a pause. The calm water is lapping at the sand
and falling just inches short of their feet.
"I should come out here more often,"
Courtney says. "At night, I mean. It's gorgeous."
"Yeah," Jason agrees, but it comes
only after a bump of silence that jars the conversation just as a CD skipping
ruins a song.
Court turns to examine him and sees
that he is staring out at the water, looking lost in it.
"What's wrong?" she asks.
Jason's stare continues for another
static moment before he shakes his head. "Nothing. This was supposed to
be a romantic walk, wasn't it?" With a smile that looks a bit forced, he
wraps his arms around Courtney.
Her first instinct is to push him
away and demand the truth. However, she senses something in his embrace
that indicates he needs to hold onto her right now. She snuggles closer
to him.
"What is it?" she asks again, more
gently.
Again, more hesitation.
"It's Tim,"
Jason says finally. "Looking at the water ... it just made me think. He's
out there somewhere, you realize that?"
The subject matter catches her by
surprise and she finds it uncomfortable to say anything at all. She knows
that her words sound tentative but realizes that it is important to get
them out anyway. "Yeah. Maybe ... I mean, we don't know for sure what happened."
"No, I guess not." Jason drops his
head a little bit and his nose is buried in Courtney's dark hair, pulled
up for the night. He inhales, trying to draw a little bit of her inside
of him. "It's so weird that he's gone. It's been months and still, every
time I think of it I'm totally thrown for a loop."
His hands are resting on her stomach
and she closes hers over them, stroking his fingers lightly as she speaks.
"It's not supposed to be easy. I mean, it's a big thing -- it's scary.
You loved Tim ... of course it's hard to accept that he's gone."
"Shouldn't it get easier at some
point?"
"It should." She stops to contemplate
the idea. "It should ... and if you think about it, it has. Remember those
first couple of weeks after it happened? You didn't want to open up about
it at all. Now here we are, talking about it."
"Yeah, I guess. But he's still gone."
The words sound cold and very real out in the cool night air. "He's gone.
It's like ... I don't know, this sounds stupid, but it's like a part of
me is gone, too."
"I can understand that. But Jay,
you've still got your mom
and dad and
Molly and
Sarah. Your family is still
here. It's different, but it's still your family."
"True." The 'but' is hanging off
the end, just waiting to drop. "But I lost my only brother, and things
will never be the same."
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