CLAIRE
I'm trying to be strong, I really
am. But watching this service ... It's so hard. And every time I look at
Travis and Samantha, I see that hint of their father in them and it kills
me. I feel like I'm going to lose it at those moments.
There have been times in the past
couple of weeks when I've just wanted to fall apart ... but I can't. That's
not going to do me or the kids any good. At this point, I honestly don't
know what will do us any good, but that's not it.
I keep having this thought that this
is my fault ... That I'm responsible because I'm the reason he went to
the pier that night. He went to keep me safe. He went to help me out, to
make me happy, even though he absolutely didn't believe in what I was doing.
That was Tim: He'd make the effort just because it mattered to someone
he loved. He would have done practically anything for us, I know. And I
feel awful that I used that to my advantage. I was selfish and I led Tim
into this.
But making a big deal of that isn't
going to get me anywhere now. I need to hold it together.
END OF EPISODE #195
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