MOLLY
I keep having this dream. I remember
a time when Tim and I were riding our bikes -- we were pretty young, we
must've been, because Sarah was too little to come ride with us -- and
he was going too fast for me. I tried to keep up and I yelled at him to
slow down, but he just kept going. And I just kept thinking, what if he
gets too far away ... ?
That's where I wake up. Almost every
night for the last few weeks, I wake up panicked, desperate to keep up
but knowing that I'm losing him. Because that's exactly what's happened:
He's out of sight, he went too fast, I couldn't keep up. I've lost him
and there's no way for me to catch back up, not anymore.
My big brother is gone. Even with
all this time I've had to absorb it, it still seems surreal. I just want
him to come back. I want to be able to goof off and to remember the tricks
we played on Jason and Sarah and to just know that he's there. But I can't
catch him anymore.
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